How to “be strong”
An ad on my block says "Be strong." I have no idea what it’s for, but I don’t know anyone stronger than parents of struggling kids, who never have time for the gym, and who are strong ALL THE TIME, in big and small ways, and some ways that never get counted.
Yes, strength is the fierce mama advocate, marching 20 feet ahead of your children into schools and systems, fighting for what they need. Sometimes it's that while also balancing your words and mood to navigate a room primed to label you "hysterical" or "angry" or "that mom" in ways it wouldn't a parent who looked or sounded different.
But sometimes strength means stepping back: sitting on your hands, biting your tongue, itching to jump in, but trusting your child to make his way independently through a less than ideal situation, or to self-advocate for what he needs. He has to learn to manage his own dragons, and clearing the path or slaying them for him is like telling him: I don’t believe you can do this on your own.
Someone once pointed out I only did the normal restrictions DURING pregnancy, not for TWO FULL YEARS BEFOREHAND, like they did, which is why their kids were, "not learning disabled or whatever." And oh holy hell, it takes SO MUCH STRENGTH sometimes not to punch someone or say "Are your kids self-righteous bozos, too? Because my kids might have 'whatever,' but they are KIND and they value diversity.”
Sometimes strength means staying firm in your values, your understanding of your kid, your trust they are trying as hard as they can, even when the world shouts otherwise. Strength means sticking to what you know is best even when progress takes A LONG TIME, even if maybe it looks like nothing is happening.
You are strong when you hold limits even though you know it will result in a tantrum and you already have a migraine and yeah, EVERYONE wishes the kids could watch one more episode, because that's sit down and scroll time. But you are heeding the plan and the wishes of future you, so you get off the sofa to play Pokémon and sit and be present while they beat you again, because you will never understand the rules. And that is strength.
It is strength to ask for help when you need it. To have enough faith in yourself as a parent that you don't have to do everything yourself. It's strength to trust that some things can be imperfect, because grandpa is going to play Pokémon today instead, and yeah, maybe you wouldn't feed them doughnuts and milk ("it's calcium!") after school, but grandpa has the energy to wave Charmander around and roar even though he definitely doesn’t know the rules. It is strength to give your children the gift of adults who aren't you who love them.
When I think about all of us, giving our whole hearts to these little creatures in a world on fire, I believe we are all being strong, in more ways than we're counting.
Whatever strength looks like today for you: it counts.