Getting school ready to go back to your child
We hear a lot about how to get your child ready for Back to School.
But all the prep in the world won’t help a child if school overwhelms them or doesn’t meet their needs. So, really, it’s time to get the school ready to go back to your child. How?
Re-frame your own thinking
If you do just one thing, remember this: “behaviour” challenges are simply the language of unmet needs.
Children who can’t express their distress in other ways show it through their behaviour. That means there’s no reason to be embarrassed, to worry whether the school likes you, to think your child doesn’t deserve help, or to worry it’s all your fault. I know that’s hard too.
Talk to school *before* things crumble
If you do just one thing, frame the conversation so they see your child as struggling, not “bad.”
Set up a meeting: “I’d like to talk so we can start the school year with a solid plan for supporting my child.” You’ll discuss situations where your child has struggled and work to proactively address them.
From there, shape the discussion in three big ways:
Remind them it’s not about the behaviour. Your child is overwhelmed or overtaxed by the environment or expectations. She’s not “bad.”
If you hear “stubborn," "violent," ”attention-seeking,” or other awful things, interrupt to re-frame: she is a child who is having a hard time, not an enemy.
Equip teachers with empathy in advance. “Sometimes, when she’s anxious, she might sound disrespectful. She doesn’t mean to be. I’m so glad she has a teacher who will understand that.”
”Focus on what he *needs*, not what he did when he didn’t get it. Not “Last year he hit kids in line,” but “Last year he needed more support when waiting in line. What can we do this year to help him?”
Don’t re-litigate the past. Reminding them “the other child yelled at her first” and rehashing the school’s missteps don’t build empathy. What creates empathy is explaining: yelling is her way of saying “please help me.”
Don’t let school drag you into a litany of past incidents: you are not the therapist responsible for helping them get over the stress of caring for your kid. Refocus: “I’m so glad you are taking this seriously. What is the plan moving forward to help, so she isn’t in this overwhelming situation again?”
3. Make sure the plan isn’t just “try harder.” If she is missing regulation skills, two things must happen: lower the expectations and help her learn the skills. A sticker chart does neither. Ask: How can we adapt her environment to make it easier? And how will the school teach her those skills, the same way would if she struggled with math?
Don’t rely on the school’s internal communication
The one thing: Assume nobody else is sharing your child’s story for you.
You can’t count on last year’s teacher sitting down with this year’s teacher. The new teacher may have gotten an IEP or 504, but also got 17 others that sound almost the same.
What I like to use is a Student Snapshot. This is a one-page overview for anyone who interacts with your child: gym teacher, lunchroom attendant, recess monitor. Use it to make sure they don’t have a great day but then get set off by the substitute bus driver.
It says:
Here’s what this child struggles with
Here’s what you might see
Here’s what that indicates
Here’s how to help in the moment.
You can download a fillable PDF here and make as many copies as you need.
Stick with anything that worked
The one thing: carry over what worked last year. This is not the time to test “does she still need that accommodation?”
If it was working last year, keep it this year. If things go swimmingly, then you can challenge your child, but not in September.
You might not know what worked; it might not be in a formal plan. Teachers often have “little things” they do that never get written down: making eye contact before giving directions, watching for a leg jiggle as an early sign of escalation.
If you had a great teacher last year, ask them. If the camp went well or your kid thrives in art class, ask there. Borrow those ideas and bring them to school this year.
If your child is moving into a “ramp up” year like kindergarten, grade 1, or middle school, it’s even more important to make sure they have supports you know work.
You don’t have to figure this out on your own.
That’s what we do at The Huddle for Families: We help families problem-solve what might be making things hard, what might help, and how to make sure support happens.
How we can help:
Read more: Figuring Out What’s Making It Hard
Talk: We offer free, online 1:1 coaching. We work with families to problem-solve, create plans, and advocate to make sure they happen.
Join: Our Back-to-School workshop series. All our events are free, online, and have limited spaces
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Have a good beginning of the year: we’re thinking of you.