Communication Quick Guide: 5 things to know, look for, and try
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5 Things to Understand About Communication Challenges
1. Communication is way more complicated than talking. Your child has to hear you, filter out distractions, understand what you mean (including all the subtext), figure out how to respond, find the right words, and make their mouth cooperate. Things can break down at any step. It's exhausting.
2. "Use your words" can be torture. When communication systems are overwhelmed, whether from stress, sensory overload, or just plain exhaustion, words literally aren't available. Demanding speech in those moments is like asking someone having a panic attack to calm down and explain themselves. It makes everything worse.
3. This isn't about intelligence. Many bright kids struggle with communication. The gap between what they understand and what they can express is deeply frustrating for them. Other kids know exactly what they want to say and can’t retrieve the words or make their mouths do it. Things like ADHD, autism, anxiety, past history of getting it wrong, motor planning challenges all can make it harder and have nothing to do with intelligence.
4. The "bad behaviour" IS communication. The hitting, yelling, or shutting down are all your child trying to tell you something when other ways aren't working. When we only address the behaviour without supporting the communication struggle underneath, we're punishing them for something they can’t improve alone and missing our chance to help with the real issues.
5. Some differences don't need "fixing." Not being able to retrieve words needs support. But preferring direct communication over small talk or enjoying playing side by side silently or sharing special interest monologues? Those are differences, not deficits. Part of helping your child is figuring out what needs support and what needs acceptance.
[Read the full article: Understanding Communication]
5 Ways Communication Struggles Might Show Up
1. Articulate one moment, nonverbal the next. They chat about favourite topics, use impressive vocabulary, recite entire movies. Then frustration hits and words vanish. They might yell, shut down completely, or lash out physically. People miss the communication struggle because they talk so well sometimes.
2. Only talks in certain contexts. Chatty at home, silent at school. Talks to some people, freezes with others. This isn't shyness or defiance; their ability to speak literally shuts down in certain situations. They want to talk. They can't.
3. Talks constantly but can't really communicate. They know thousands of words and share detailed facts about dinosaurs. But open-ended questions, explaining their reasoning, social back-and-forth, and working in groups are really hard. They might interrupt constantly, monologue, or seem to talk AT people rather than with them.
4. "Fine" at school, falls apart at home. Teachers report no problems. Then your kid gets home and melts down over tiny things. Communicating all day at school takes enormous effort. By home time, they're completely depleted.
5. Seems like they're "not listening." You give a direction. They're right there, clearly heard you, but they don't do it. Hearing isn't the same as processing. Their brain might still be working on understanding what you said or how to respond while you're frustrated they haven't done it yet. Or they're so exhausted they literally can't handle one more demand.
[Other signs: repeating phrases from shows or other people, coming across as blunt or rude, knowing exactly what they want to say but the word is stuck just out of reach. Read more at: Understanding Communication]
5-6 Things to Try Right Now
First, get their hearing checked. Even if tests are “normal,” are they straining to hear or process auditory input? This is a huge piece for some kids.
1. Stop demanding speech when it's not available. Give them other ways to communicate: visual cards to point to, yes/no questions they can nod to, writing or texting for tough conversations, simple signs for immediate needs. This alternative communication (sometimes called AAC) doesn't prevent speech; it supports it. When you remove the pressure to talk, kids often use speech MORE.
2. Give them TIME. Count to 10 slooooooowly in your head. Actually slowly. Don't repeat, rephrase, or fill the silence with more words for them to process. Just wait expectantly and patiently, like you know they're working on it. Processing takes time, and your silence gives them space to do it. This works for everyone, not just kids with diagnosed communication challenges (try it in a meeting some time).
3. Reduce what they have to process.
Use fewer words, fewer options, fewer steps at once
Make sure their attention is on you before you speak (no giving directions from the kitchen or while they’re Minecrafting)
Don't add more information while they're still processing the first thing
Give information in multiple ways at the same time: say it AND show a picture or demonstrate the motion. Or write it down, for older kids.
Block out noise and chaos for important conversations (headphones are great, and they can usually still hear your voice)
4. Give them scripts for tricky situations: "I need help," "I need a break," "I'm so sorry, are you okay." Practice when they're calm using silly voices or stuffed animals. Then make sure the grown-ups around them know what they mean.
5. During meltdown: reduce ALL demands immediately. Stop asking questions, stop giving directions, stop trying to fix it. Their system is flooded, and more input makes it worse. Offer alternative ways to communicate (point to pictures, nod yes/no, thumbs up/down). Use minimal words: "I'm here.” “You're safe.” “Take your time." Give space if they need it. Circle back later when they've recovered.
You do not need to do this alone. A speech-language pathologist can help you figure out more specifically what’s making things hard and how to help.
[Read more strategies at: Communication: Real life strategies for your real life child]
This is just the Quick Guide
Every child's communication challenges look different. Pick one or two things from this list that feel most urgent or doable right now. Small changes make a real difference.
The most important thing is that your child knows you understand they're trying their hardest, and you're there to help them be heard.
Want more? Read Understanding Communication or Communication: Real life strategies for your real life child.
Or, sign up for a consultation with me. It’s free, confidential and online.