How to create a Safety Plan that actually keeps anyone safe.
This month, many parents got that letter from the school. Maybe it makes it sound like your child is a hardened violent criminal. Maybe it has terrifying phrases like “presents danger to self and others", “call 911,” and “physical restraint.” It’s scary and mortifying. Teachers get these plans, generic, full of “strategies” that aren’t helpful in the moment of crisis, and containing little that seems like it will keep anyone safe.
It doesn’t have to be that way. A solid Safety Plan is actually a super useful tool. It’s simply a set of instructions and interventions for adults to use when a child becomes overwhelmed or distressed. It’s supposed to follow a child around the school, so that every adult — every lunchroom attendant, every temporary teacher, every after school helper — know what signs indicate that child is becoming distressed, and what to do to keep them from escalating or to de-escalate if it’s too late.
Unfortunately, too often, these plans are not helpful. Here’s how to fix that.
If all this seems like too much (or you don’t have time to read because who does?), let’s figure it out together.
Start BEFORE things escalate.
Most plans begin after a child has begun shrieking or throwing things. This is too late. You need a plan that starts when it’s still possible to ward off the crisis.
Check out our Downloadables page for a template you can use.
The first thing in the plan should be a list of the kinds of situations that are hard for the child (e.g., assemblies in the gym). Some plans call these “triggers.” I prefer “stressors.” Alongside, you’ll have a list of ways to make those situations easier (“Mari may choose to sit on a chair at the side of the gym, rather than on the floor with her classmates”).
Then, instead of only addressing crises, you create the plan in stages:
Stage one: anxiety or discomfort (this is where something has triggered the child, and they are starting to have feelings about it)
Stage two: frustration or defensiveness (things are starting to heat up, but a crisis is still preventable)
Stage three: crisis or loss of control (this is where people need to switch into de-escalating)
For each of these stages, you’ll list:
What to look for and listen for (what are the clues this child is anxious or uncomfortable?)
What to do about it (what to say and how to help your child feel safe, understood, and able to stay regulated)
Individualize the plan to your child.
Again, these plans are often generic. Some of the clues are things a lot of kids do. But each child has indicators specific to them, so make sure the plan includes those, and be as specific as possible (“difficulty finishing sentences or repeats questions over and over” or “takes deep inhales and huffs exhales”). The hope is that the adult in a child’s life sees these clues and thinks, “ Aha! I know what’s happening here. He’s distressed. Let me use the language/strategies in his plan.”
Similarly, the strategies and interventions you offer need to be individualized. What actually helps this child when they’re upset? If possible, ask the child. (If you want help thinking of ideas, we can help)
Make the strategies actionable and specific.
“Make child feel safe” and “use gentle words” are not specific strategies. We’re looking more for “Allow child to access their safe space/headphones/special toy” (and be specific about what/where those are) and “Using a calm tone of voice, tell Mari she is not in trouble, and ask what she needs.” I am a huge fan of direct quotes. They take the guesswork out for teachers and other adults and comfort children because they’re familiar (“Say, ‘Mari, I notice you’re wringing your hands. How can I help?”). I am also a fan of pre-set spaces, objects, and assistive communication tools (“Ask if Mari would like to use her flashcards to choose a ‘calm down’ activity. These are located in the fanny pack Mari wears each day.”).
Look, children don’t think straight when they are distressed, and adults don’t think straight when they’re stressed a child is headed to crisis. A good plan provides adults with specific language and strategies, so they don’t have to invent them on the spot, and so they can remain calm because they know what to do if things ramp up.
List the safe helpers
We all work better with some people than others. A child may have their distress magnified or mitigated depending on who comes to help. Good Safety Plans list 3-4 “safe helpers” that any adult can call to assist the child. Here is a tip: if the people on a child’s list are the same people who come when that child gets in big trouble, their appearance is unlikely to de-escalate anything. Find some “neutral” teachers or support staff whose “Hey buddy, you okay?” has a chance of helping.
Don’t forget repair and re-entry.
Your plan should include Stage Four: recovery, re-entry, repair, or restore. This is an essential part of helping the child learn, helping other children feel safe, and making sure the child feels welcomed back to the community. This is not punishment. It is making sure a child is okay after what was, trust me, a super difficult time for them. It is conversation and question-asking, and giving everyone involved space to express feelings and make amends. Classroom restorative practice programs can really help. The important things are that there is a plan for re-entry that focuses on support and learning, not “consequences” and forced apologies.
Don’t go overboard.
The meat of this needs to fit on one piece of paper, or it will simply be too much to expect new/temporary adults to access. Focus on strategies for prevention and hit the most important ones.
Children should not be physically restrained.
They should not be wrestled to the ground, locked into rooms, receive corporal punishment, or be screamed at. If a child’s plan doesn’t state this outright, add it in. These things cause trauma that lasts well after the crisis ends. Plus, they don’t work to de-escalate anything. Would “safe restraint” techniques work to de-escalate you?
Have the meeting
Most of the time, these letters come with an offer to meet to discuss the plan. Have that meeting. Ask that as many people involved with your child as possible are there. Come in with draft plan ideas and be ready to project manage the meeting. Ask, “What’s the school’s process for making sure everyone working with my child understands this plan?” Teachers, make sure parents feel the plan is appropriate. If they want you to engage in strategies you feel won’t work or are inappropriate, you’ll need to explain.
Get help.
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